being a mommy

Today.

Our Sundays are usually pretty lazy and we get a whole-lotta nothing accomplished. Today, well, it really wasn't any different. I brought Gavin to Sunday School, made lunch (lets be honest, it was a combination of yesterdays leftovers), had quiet time/nap time, and took a trip to Buffalo.

We went to Buffalo to sell some snowmobile skis off of the new(er) snowmobile Dan bought while he was in Montana - that my friends, is a long, not necessary for a blog post, story. We also took a lovely drive through the Morries Buffalo Ford dealer, which is where we got my Explorer. Dan has a desire for a new truck and I can't blame him because "the great white" as we call her, has 350,000+ on that old gal.. and her time, well as sad as it will be for Dan.. is ticking. But he refuses to buy himself a new truck before her end because we have no space to store an extra truck.... again, another long story for another post.

I am surely drifting quickly from the point of this post.

We brought the boys with us to Buffalo because, well... they're our children. We bring them almost everywhere we go. We made it special and took them to the McDonalds play place where their hearts filled with joy as they ran around and slid and screamed and wore off the energy that has been held in for countless days because this Minnesota winter is killing every small child, slowly.

Anyways, on the way home Dan and I chatted and the boys chatted among themselves. That was until about Kimball. The entire way home Gavin said, "mommy, mommy, mommy".... and as I didn't respond because I was mid-conversation with Dan it just kept on, "mommy, mommy, mommy".

At one point, and I'm sure it was after Kimball.. but before Watkins, I turned around and in my not so happy to hear your non-stop chatter voice and said, "Gavin! Please be quiet. Let's play the quiet game".

If your a mom or a dad you know that the "quiet game" doesn't work long at all with a four year old. Not long at all.

It was right outside of Watkins by Mies that Gavin once again did the "mommy, mommy, mommy" and I grew more and more frustrated with his talk of John Deere tractors and the desire for him to get his own snowmobile. I asked again if we could be quiet so mommy and daddy could finish their conversation.

Dan started to get frustrated and the rest of the way home chuckled under his breath that he was more than excited to get out of the car.

We got home only to find my moms dog in our garage and if you know my husband at all it was pretty much the same as if she'd put her in our house. Our moods were not all too high and it was late.. and we still had bath time... and get things ready for preschool in the morning.. and go to bed. At 8:15 Gavin came out and said, "hey mom"  ... and all I said was "what?" in a horrible tone that would have even sent myself scurrying back into my bedroom. He trailed off to his bed and quickly fell alseep.

I had fabulous plans to do x, y and z tonight, even go to the gym... but my crummy attitude had me sitting on the couch, browsing the computer and watching the Oscars. And now I'm glad I did.

A preschool mom posted this and had me in immediate tears and feeling even worse.

I feel horrible that I put my little man to bed and was so rude and crabby towards him. I walked into his room with tears in my eyes and rubbed his back in hopes he would wake up so I could apologize. He didn't. But, I still feel awful. It's the small things that seem to mean the most to my four year old. The small things like putting him to bed at night and reading him stories, or doing his prayer with him or giving him the last of whatever I have- it makes him so happy. And here I am, being rude and ungrateful that my sweet little boy has something he wants to share with me.

I love being a mom. I love that my boys love me so much more than any other love I've ever experienced. I love that I am there for them and that they need me to be there for them, and help them and guide them, and keep them safe. Obviously, the list could go on and on.

Every mom should read that blog post and remember it, daily. I know I need to. I need to slow down and remember they are only little for awhile and right now I am (we are) everything to them. Someday they are going to be all that we have. Hug your littles tonight, my friends. Enjoy the silliness and smiles and joy they have in their little bodies. I can't even imagine the feelings I'm going to have when they don't need me as much as they do today.